Librarians notes: The young lady D’Arby came to be first prominent at court during 1117 in the ritual circle. Details of her background were difficult to establish, although the following document was found amongst paperwork Theo D’Arby submitted for verification recently.
Super Secret Diary of Bertha Maximiliana Kiyantey D’Arby age 15 ½ 19
Dear Diary. So, like, this is like a kind of autobiography thing, ‘cos when I’m totes famous everyone’ll want to read this, so I’m writing it now while I remember, yeah?
So, right, way back in like ancient history when elves were young and stuff, my mum, Enid, married my dad, Darren. Big scandal and everything ‘cos a load of the family were all like ‘oh my ancestors, you’re marrying a Romford’, and she was all like ‘yeah, whatevs, but I’m totes a D’Arby and stuff’ and they were like ‘yeah, well go live in Chelmsford then’ and she was all like, ‘yeah, I will then, beeetch’… only, like, you know. In old people language because she’s like well old and stuff and totes up herself? But yeah, so that’s how come me and my sisters (bffs btw) live in Essex but we’re still D’Arbys, yeah?
Right, so there’s my big sister and my little sister and me in the middle, and like, my mum, such a drag, gave us well dumb names, like slave names. So like, my big sister, she’s like ‘no way am I an Aldora, I totes identify as a Mydnyxht’, and I was like, ‘that is sooo edgy, and totes suits her’ so I thought about, like, my real inner self and how I’m not really a Bertha Maximiliana either, but like, actually my pattern cries out ‘Kiyantey’. And so those are our actual real names now and they’re like, totes almost official and everything.
So, like, in 1116, we got to come out like to society and stuff for the first time at a big gathering of nations, and it was well sick, and mum said as long as Theo is there then it’s okay, but it’s actually okay anyway because we’re totes 19 and strong, independent women who can do what we want anyway, yeah?
Stuff we do – coven meetings, obvs, and Mydnyxht is well good at potions and stuff and they’re all fair trade and organic, because like, the egg is really important to us? Like, I do magick and stuff, but I do try to reduce my magickal footprint? I’m well good at spooky rituals and stuff, though, at coven meetings on Tuesdays, so I’m totes responsible to do big rituals at wellsprings and if they don’t let me they’re just being well ageist and stuff and that’s not fair. I’m also, like, really politically active and that, ‘cos I want to see Essex back as a duchy like it should be, and, like Mydnyxht could well be in charge because she’s got the best hair. Thing is, right, Essex culture is being suppressed and stuff and that’s not fair, so we’ve got to like stand up for the little people, because they’re all busy getting covered in shit and like working and stuff, so it’s the nobles’ DUTY to actually run things for them and make sure we get recognised, yeah?
I also went on a gap year last year to the Underdark and it was well spooky but well cool, and I met a drow called Valsharess and I said to her that’s such a pretty name, and if I have a little girl I’m totes calling her Valsharess, like, out of respect and stuff. Going to visit them again in the winter, and catch up with Valshy (she doesn’t mind if I call her Valshy ‘cos we’re like that, me and her) and the drow and stuff but even though they live in the underdark some of them are white. Drow are well edgy, and if I was into religion, I’d probably pick Llolth, but organised religion is like, so stifling, y’know and ancestors are just like dead people? I’m more SPIRITUAL. In touch with my inner ancestor.
Oh, and I totally have a boyfriend btw and he’s amazeballs it’s just that you haven’t met him ‘cos he lives in Caledonia but he totally exists and he writes to me all the time and he’s a vampire and a werewolf and he has a band, so there.